omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I need mimosas to revive my soul
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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