I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
