woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize