how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
