Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
