i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
