I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
