If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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