Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
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Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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