so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
