This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
