so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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