shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
