Non-Jews are for practice
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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