If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
