We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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