haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Randomize