never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
