Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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