I wish I could punch you in the face.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
