Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
