A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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