I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
