also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
