Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
