It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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