btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Randomize
