glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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