My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
