booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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