I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
