Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
