M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
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