you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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