He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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