I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
