New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
