Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
