so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
