What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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