$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
