i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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