This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize