so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
