I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
