That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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