i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
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