he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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