What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
