I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize