I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
