Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
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