Yo dont text me then not text me
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
Randomize
