I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
