Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
