I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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