part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She told me I should be a condom model.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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