How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
