Sponge bath it is.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
