You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
