I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We were destined to go to rehab together
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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