Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
