This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Randomize
