I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
