How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
