this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
