You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Randomize
