u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Randomize
