wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
