i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
