dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
