Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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