weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
We had sex on a dog bed..
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
