Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
