Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
