On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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