I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize