yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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