I wanna passion pit in your ass
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize