peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
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