they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
