just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize
