I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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