We're facebook friends in real life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
